Bible Stories

One of my favorite bloggers (or "imaginary friends," as Mr Y likes to call them) wrote about her daughter overhearing the portion from the Torah where Jacob first kisses Rachel and asking why they were smooching when they weren't married and hadn't even been introduced. This pales in comparison to Sodom and Gomorrah and Lot's daughters in terms of Bible stories that are difficult to explain to kids, sure, but it poses a lot of the same problems. I mean, they're in the Bible, for cryin' out loud - you're not supposed to have to worry about what your kids see in the Bible! But they're not setting an example you want your kids to follow, and they're doing things that seem pretty hard to explain without putting unwelcome ideas in your kids' heads.

Whether you're parsing the week's parsha or confronted with realities in your day-to-day life, there are two kinds of questions that inevitably arise in discussing these situations with kids. Questions of definition ("what is that?" or "what does that mean?") call for minimalistic answers couched in age-appropriate language.

Kid: "What were they doing in Sodom and Gommorah that made God so angry?"

Parent: "They were doing things with their bodies that God told them they weren't supposed to do."

Kid: "Like what?"

I might tell my five-year-old that they were looking at and touching each other's 'privacy' (her word for all the body parts we're not supposed to go around showing people) when they weren't supposed to. I would tell my 10 year-old (who knows that "mating" produces offspring and that most adults think it feels good) that they were spending too much time playing with their mating parts and not enough time doing the stuff they were supposed to be doing. When one of them eventually busts out with "what is sodomy?" I will start with "things some grown-ups do with their mating parts that God told them not to do" and get more specific depending on circumstances.

In some ways, it's harder to explain what a biblical hero is doing breaking the rules about kissing strange girls than it is to answer any "what is that?" type of question. Every "what" question has a straightforward, dictionary-style answer. "Why" is a lot more treacherous, and not just in the realm of the birds and bees. Why does Jacob do something he knows he's not supposed to do? For that matter, why does Aunt So-and-so have a baby when she's not married? Why doesn't Grandpa live with Grandma anymore? Why did Uncle Whatsit hit Cousin Whosit?

1. Don't deny the obvious. Jacob wanted to kiss Rachel. Uncle Whatsit got mad and lost his temper. Aunt So-and-so made a baby with someone. Grandma decided she wanted to live alone, or Grandpa decided he wanted to live with Miss Judy.

2. Judge the choice, not the people. Acknowledge that you can love someone and still be angry at him or disappointed in her.

- "It's bad to go around hitting people, no matter how mad you are."
- "You're not supposed to make babies unless you're married."
- "Once you get married, you can't quit just because you're bored or you meet someone you like better."
- "But we love (whoever) and (s/he) is still our (whatever)."

(Don't get me wrong. "I don't know" is a perfectly valid answer in some circumstances, as is "I can tell you about it someday when you're older." Just bear in mind that there are few better opportunities to articulate your beliefs in a way that's relevant to your kids than answering their questions about what you think. If they hear non-answers to awkward questions too often when they're little, they'll be far less likely to bring you their questions and concerns when adolescence strikes.