Boys Will Be ... Men. Someday.

One comment I hear often when I broach the subject of sex ed is, "I'm glad I have a son, I don't have to worry."

Insert sound of skreetching tires here.


Um, yeah, boys can't get pregnant, but they do actually face choices and risks and responsibilities in the arena of human sexuality. They also get messages about what it means to be a man that are just as whacked out and conflicted as the messages girls get about womanhood. The boys need the same attention from their parents as they prepare for adulthood that girls do. That includes:

• Accurate information about their bodies and how they work. This includes, as the child ages, information about how their bodies differ from those of the opposite sex and how (and why) their bodies will change as they approach and pass through puberty.


• Accurate information about how humans reproduce. Logically, this should include information about how humans don't reproduce. A kid might legitimately be confused about how the Virgin Mary managed to get pregnant but his own parents fail to produce a younger sibling.


• Accurate information about your family's beliefs as they should apply to sexual behavior. What do you and your faith believe about sexual activity before or during marriage? Contraception? Abortion? What constitutes appropriate behavior in your eyes? What standards of behavior do you expect your child to follow?

Contrary to popular belief, boys don't just have one thing on their minds. They want and need to know about love and what goes into building a healthy romantic relationship. They want and need to know what girls their age are thinking and feeling. They want to know what will make men of them; they need to know that making decisions based solely on their immediate wants is what little boys do.

The third bullet should answer problems raised by the other two, not replace them. You can let your kids know that a thing is "normal" (within the common range of human experience) without endorsing it as something that's morally right. Face it. Whether you think contraception is morally acceptable or not, the fact that it is possible to engage in regular coition and prevent pregnancy through use of family planning methods remains. Whether you think masturbation is okay or not, it's a physical impulse common to human beings and other creatures in the animal kingdom. Providing complete data to your kids on the first two points will only serve to bolster your authority with your kids. Lying will serve the opposite purpose.