Crossing Lines

One argument I've heard posited against sex ed for kids is that once the kids have the information, they will rush out to put it into practice. By that logic, once you let your kids be exposed to information about violence, they will rush to the nearest bell tower for target practice.

I don't know how a parent copes with the sexual violation of a child, and I hope I never find out first hand. What I do know is that whatever a child sees, does, or is made to do, parents still have the responsibility to provide him or her with the tools to make informed and, yeah, moral choices about sexual behavior. For a child who's been abused or inappropriately exposed to adult sexual behavior, the fact that Mom and Dad (or whoever the appropriate grown-up is) can talk about what happened and give it some kind of context is a vital ingredient in the healing process. Preteens and teens who are sexually active need to hear what their parents think about their behavior - not just the sexual parts but the relationship parts too. I'm not trying equate abuse by adult with consensual activity between kids, but the fact is that teens up to voting/draft age are legally kids, and kids are their parents' responsibility. The fact that your teen looks like he's 25 and behaves maturely does not mean his emotional development is complete at 17!

The point here is not that parents should make their kids feel good about what was done to them or what the kids have done - the point is that these are defining moments for a child's emotional and physical development, and a parent's best opportunity to convey the values he or she considers most important is address these moments head on and as calmly and lovingly as possible. Just as the discussion of sexuality and its proper role in life shouldn't wait until these moments, neither should it end with them!