Prom By Any Other Name

The annual rite of passage known as prom is coming. None of my kids are affected, seeing as how the oldest is but 10, but I see the prom magazines emerging at my grocery store's check-out shelves. I remember pouring over the pictures of dresses and imagining how great it would be to be a teenager, almost a grown-up, and go to a ball like a princess. I also remember thrilling when I was older at how easy it would be to get permission for once to stay out all night instead of having to meet my parents' usual (objectionably early) curfew.


Come to think of it, I remember lots of things about prom. Never mind.


What got me thinking about prom was reading about the concept of a purity gala. Now don't get me wrong, I heart paternal involvement, but the idea of a father-daughter prom thingie where you wear a pretty white dress and dance with Daddy and vow to remain celibate until marriage strikes me as too little, too late. Daddy's role in shaping a girl's self-respect and moral formation - of which sexuality is a component - starts from the day she's born. How Daddy treats Mommy and the time he spends with his girl are critical to the success of her relationships with others as an adult. That's reflected in the role fathers play in debutante balls or cotillions, where Daddy is an important figure but the ostensible point of the event is introducing a young woman into adult society under the protection of her family and social cohort. Where is the young woman's burgeoning adulthood reflected in the purity gala?


Prom takes the place of a cotillion or debut - or purity gala - for most girls, but without the underpinnings of family involvement it offers little more than an opportunity to dress up and stay out all night, preferably while enjoying as many red carpet accoutrements - fancy dinner, limo, hotel suite - as possible. Prom is a celebration of conspicuous consumption and self-gratification. Prom is the practice ground for overblown, overpriced weddings. Prom is - oh, I'm sorry, was that out loud? While you can argue that prom lets kids celebrate their entry into adult life, it does so in a bubble where they can enjoy adult freedoms without adult responsibilities.

Any time we fail to discourage our kids from dwelling more on the material aspects of an occasion than they think about the meaning and long-term implications of the occasion, we are doing them a disservice. Prom or Purity Ball, we need to make sure the little rats grow up knowing what their choices mean. Oh, and speaking of what choices mean, I wish I could kill "abstinence education" as a phrase in favor of "chastity education." For heaven's sake, no one I know is positing abstinence as the end state we're recommending for our offspring once they enter adulthood. Chastity, by contrast, implies sexual behavior corresponding to one's age and marital status. Isn't that the point we're trying to teach our kids?